another fresh start.
for the old one bordered on criminal liability.
let me backdate.
22 Sep 2013, 1107.
caffeine overdose twice in three days?
not cool, at all.
it is clearly insufficient to simply possess self-awareness, for it is the spirit of self-betterment that actually drives someone to take action and do something about it.
conscious overriding of influences past, especially when enmeshed in a vicious cycle.
a cycle so ingrained, an automatic response.
you can’t give what you’ve never had.
withholding information.
MO to avoid having to manage the impact of that information on others.
withholding leads to ambiguity leads to mistrust leads to a poor foundation on which to build anything else, which leads to more withholding.
and the cycle starts again.
“Love protects, Love believes the best in others and Love brings hope.”
– Brother Chadrick –
21 Apr 2014, 0019.
you only know love when you experience it.
but you know it that much more when it is no longer.
without reciprocity, one can only try for so long.
an instance of life’s ability to throw a curveball of reality, bringing down a house of bricks.
then again, it might’ve been a house of cards.
kickstart my heart to love You again.
to seek You with fervour and strength from within.
there are so many things we wish ideal.
but consider the possibility that “ideal” is a matter of perspective.
12 Jul 2014, 1901.
the depth of my sin shows the depth of His love.
“You’re rich in love and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.”
“For when our hearts were far away, Your love went further still
Your love goes further still.”
18 Dec 2014, 0044.
“I gave this to you not to stress you out nor frustrate you, but to worship Me.
Let your pursuit come not from a place of lack, of self-deprecation, but a place of abundance and of good stewardship.”
27 May 2015, 0210.
what did she say? i didn’t check.
i was preoccupied with my…
what was it again? yes, the next meeting,
the next lesson,
the next breath.
did he mean this? he did.
i thought.
who answered what? why can’t they?
kaleidoscopic, i do see.
but do i really?
choose a side to justify.
i disagree… can’t i?
4 Aug 2015, 1916.
maybe i’m bipolar too.
that’s probably how i got into this monash mess in the first place.
not forgetting the John Valerio purchase.
i often stand grossly corrected when it comes to expectations of my fellow humans.
they often exceed them in great amounts.
what is left of honour when there are mouths to be fed?
now that that’s done, i shall unusually say.
out with the in, and old with the new.
and i want to speak these words
but i guess i’ll just bite my tongue
and accept “someday, somehow”
as the words that we’ll hang from.
conversation got me here. 